Failed

For too long there has been a battle waging inside of me, a duel of the inner-man(or in this case, inner-lady). Thoughts have been swirling inside my head in a whirl-wind, crescendoing to the peak. I've been silent and dormant far too long, that i think i've lost my voice in the midst of it all. Most of the time i'm caught up with what the public would perceive me, posting things up would mean that every single thing would be scrutinized by everyone. A part of me also wants to keep the mystery and go against the tide of a myriad of bloggers out there who have a far more appealing and vivacious vocabulary that comes to them effortlessly than i. What is mine compared to them? Why would anyone give a cent to what i have to think or say. Many times, i started off with a post and then halfway through i just leave it there thinking it would not be worth to post it. Yes, I failed again in keeping my promise to blog again. It's not an excuse but just shows ho human I am.

On the other hand, posting things up would mean being open & vulnerable about my life, and letting people see who i really am. It takes real courage to let people see who you really are. I'm not sure whether i'm brave enough. It scares me cause i'm afraid ppl might not like who i am. Besides that, I didn't wanna fall into the trap of blogging for the attention. Sometimes, I found myself posting in order to get more ppl to read and i wanted to know if there were ppl who read it. Like they say, blogging can become an addiction that creeps up and takes over your life bit by bit, it can also apply to facebooking as well.

 For sometime I stopped blogging because i didn't want what I write to not be a reflection of what i am inside, I didn't wanna be a hyprocrite. Sometimes, the things ppl blog about make others thk that their life is a bed of roses and that everything is perfect. I don't wanna sound like that or that I'm anywhere close to being perfect. That is why there was a point of time that even when everything was good & up, I didn't wanna blog about it either 'cuz it might sound like boasting or being to good to be true .Nonetheless, "As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ." Galations 6:14
Other times, i'm just at a loss of what to write and i just don't know how or where to start.Some people may think that i think too much. Yups, maybe i do. But I don't want to post mindlessly about things. Nevertheless just as the lyrics of the song by pink goes... i'm gonna try & try again.